This article is fictional
by Sophia Scrooge, 8th-generation family CEO and chair
Like most family businesses that have been operating for nearly 200 years, The Scrooge Group has gone through many transformations. We have become a model example of pivoting to meet the demands of changing market and consumer landscapes, while always staying true to the values of our visionary founder, Ebenezer Scrooge.
Securing the financial resources to expand the business in the early years was done mainly through stocks — wooden stocks — the kind that keep people from running away. Ebenezer raised a significant amount of growth capital through the use of wooden stocks, ultimately acquiring several stock manufacturers in what was considered a very early example of vertical integration.
Originally established as an accounting service, my 7th great uncle Ebenezer had the foresight to diversify the business, even back in the Victorian Era. He aggressively took the company into the sleeping aids sector in 1844, which remains one of our core business segments today. Our Scrooge brand sleep aid products are not only safe and effective, but they will be entirely carbon neutral by 2044.
Today, The Scrooge Group relies on a more contemporary approach to increasing our expansion capital. It’s largely done by filing lawsuits against companies that infringe on our Scrooge trademarks. We still use wooden stocks from time to time. Incidentally, our popular Bah Humbug wooden stock line will be entirely planet-friendly by 2082.
I’m not going to lie; having four ghosts on the company board can be challenging. I don’t expect us to always agree on the firm’s trajectory, but our ghosts don’t bring much optimism. And I really wish the ghost of Jacob Marley would stop rattling his chains every time he receives a funny text.
I have to credit the Ghost of Christmas Future for helping the company navigate through some particularly tricky periods. It’s almost like he knows exactly what’s going to happen before it does. He also kept us from investing in non-fungible tokens.
The attempted takeover by that power-hungry monster, Tiny Tim, really exposed our need for a strong governance framework. Today, all Scrooge Group stakeholders are aligned, and I’m honoured to have a member from the Cratchit family serve as the board’s vice chair. He does arrive late after the holidays with the excuse, “I was making rather merry yesterday,” but we typically just give him a raise, as I’m sure my great uncle Ebenezer would.
’Tis always the season
The Scrooge Group has a special connection to Christmas and all it represents. Like many family businesses that have straddled two centuries, some of our company’s history has been lost to the sands of time, or in our case, soot (we’re exploring wind power, I swear.)
But thanks to Ebenezer Scrooge, we will always operate as if Christmas is in our hearts and try to keep it all the year. I sincerely hope you will, too.
Merry Christmas from The Scrooge Group.